sick of me

i am sick of me

i am sick about how's always about how i wished things were. why do i fight so hard for what i want or am i fighting hard enough? or fighting for the wrong reasons. i don't know... but i feel exhausted.

Lord! rid me of myself!

i don't want to do life without you yet i find it so hard to fully trust. why do i fight YOU? like a never ending journey. i don't want to keep missing the mark. i am so sick of me. i am sick of doing things my way. help me see the bigger picture of things, help me see YOU. More of YOU and less of me.. is that possible Lord? is it possible to know YOU in a deeper way, a more tangible way. show me YOU, show me how. show me where is home - give me Your sense of peace, assurance and security, not through my efforts because Lord, I GIVE UP! i'm tired. YOU are home for me Lord. the only constant i got. the ONLY ONE.  i am pleading with YOU, replace me with YOU. Give me Your courage, Your strength, Your wisdom and understanding. SHOW ME YOUR HEART. give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for my life, TO KNOW & FOLLOW HARD AFTER YOU!i've always thought to myself, how can i help others if i can't help myself, but help me realise that how can i help myself if i don't have YOU. open my eyes to see all that You're doing in me. help me stop questioning and start listening. speak louder for i am stubborn lazy and hard of hearing. take away any self pity. GET ME OUT OF THIS PIT FULL OF MYSELF! HELP ME LORD! break these chains that hold me down!!!! i believe in YOU Lord! i Love YOU Lord. YOU are the one i want. You're the only certain one. i'm sorry for making it all about me. i am truly sorry. i want to love you in a deeper way, give me Your agape love, show me Your agape love, a love that is unconditional. help me realise it's by Your grace that YOU love me. give me a greater understanding of Your Grace. open my heart to receive Your perfect love. let my confidence be in YOU! a greater passion for Your Word Lord. a greater passion for Your work. use me. the things i hold dear, if i have to let go, Lord, YOU help me. please help me. the good or the bad. make it easy, give me the strength and the courage to move on...once again.  but to always keep focus, to always look to YOU and know Your plans are not to harm but to give me a HOPE & A FUTURE. YOU are my Hope & my Future. grant me a bigger heart and passion for others. enlarge my capacity of patience, understanding and of love. replace me with YOU.  help me to accept myself but let me always be hidden behind Your CROSS! i am afraid Lord. i'm scared. i'm afraid to let go of the things i know. i'm afraid of the future. i try and try and try. i can't. i need YOU Lord! i'm sorry for doing it on my own. i'm sorry for making it about me. help me see that it's not about me. i'm sick of me and trying to find my place when it should really be all about YOU. i can't do this on my own Lord. i can't make the change on my own Lord. i need YOU. i need YOU to do the change. i need YOU to renew me. to mould me. change my heart, my perceptions my motivations, intentions and my wills. Jesus take all of me. please? i don't want to go through another phase of testing. i want to do this right once. i don't want to miss the mark. show me the target. reveal to me Your heart. I LOVE YOU LORD. let tomorrow be a new day for me? Help me make it a new day. rid me of myself, my old ways and habits. so help me God. 

this is my desire.

this is me Lord, for YOU.