step 1 : you grow up
step 2 : you study hard
step 3 : you get a job, you start your career
step 4 : you settle down
step 5 : start family
step 6 : work toward building that family
step 7 : blah blah blah...
right now i'm in the phase of wanting to get a job & being financially independent again. is that so much to ask? i think my parents are the only parents in the world that never encouraged me to work. especially when things are super tight financially, they don't like me working yet they're unable to provide. it leaves me feeling like i'm drowning! there are so much i wish i could do before leaving but i feel so held back. i hate how whether we like it or not, money rules our lives. i hate how we let money and material define us... ok, i won't get started on the money talk here..
back to my point... i wish.. i wish i didn't have to start from scratch, i wish i could get on with the regular route. i should be at steps 3 & 4 right now but NOOOOO... i've climbed back down to step 1. i now need to grow into a new environment & adapt into a new culture & lifestyle, step 2, study my new surroundings and and re-strategize before i get back up to steps 3 - GET A JOB the proceed to finally settling down and whatnots..
i wish i didn't have to go up and down so many times. people go through it once whereas i get stuck doing 1,2,3 over and over again. i'm going no where and it's tiring climbing up and down those rungs repeatedly. just when i think i'm going upward and progressing, and my hopes go up... i wish.. then as circumstance should have it, as though someone clinging on to my ankles, i've been tugged downwards, forced to let go of 1 or 2 rungs, try to regain and move on..then let go, move on.. or at other times i'm pushed upward too quickly i have to skip a step.. feeling inadequacy of growth, all of a sudden i have forgo studies and get a job because it was the most sensible thing to do, yaa daa yaa daa yaa daa...
gosh, why are my blog entries always so depressing and of senseless banter! i wish i had more motivation to blog on happier days! i have many by the way ;p which probably explains my lack of blog entires! ;) anyways up and down i go, wishing life were a little more normal...
