a documentry of thoughts

it's 2-something in the night.. .
i can't begin to tell you how bored and useless i feel at this point in time.
i hate this feeling.

i sit here. 2.37am. a couch for a home. i'm not sure what to feel anymore.
yes, i'm a confused child.

this i do know. i'm staying positive. despite the sadness of having to leave, weariness of change and fear of uncertainties, theres something inside of me. an excitement and that quiet reassurance from the Holy Spirit telling me it's going to be good, it's going to be good it's going to be good. believing in His promises. anticipation, eagerness, a yearning to see what He has in store for me.

i sit here. 2.39am. a couch for a home.

i'm wondering to myself how afraid i am of change. because what i really feel is a desperation for something new. i love adelaide, from the bottom of my heart i really do. but i feel theres something more, something bigger. suddenly i feel i need to get out of here. Lord, please show me. 2.45am something more, something bigger! this odd excitement mixed with sadness and fear..

i'm overwhelmed. i can i do absolutely nothing physically but this stirring within me...it feels like...it feels...i don't know.. this yearning, desperation, crying out, Lord show me, i want it now! an overwhelming love and thankfulness for my creator. it's now 2.54am

i'm still here.. a couch for a home. sitting, wondering.. documenting my thoughts on this blog entry.. what happens after i leave this blue couch i call home?


2.57am pondering. Lord, i know the plans you have for me, plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give me a hope and a future. i love you Lord! i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you....


reflecting on the past. only but a single flash in my mind to be reminded of the countless incidences of God's hand over my life. so grateful. i'm so grateful for everything, Lord! everything within me gasps in gratitude, an indignation over circumstances, and a stirring of faith, with a belief for the impossible! i serve a God of victory! a God who saves, who provides who cares and who loves me even at 3.19am in the night!

this is not a fancy post but this is what i've been up to, on a couch, for a home.
i want so may things for my life right now, i want to work in a place i love, i want to settle and not have to start from scratch in a foreign land, i don't want to have to be on my toes all the time. but this is my journey. a journey of faith learning to let Him lead, to trust, and for me, to be dependent on Him. i love to plan. i write lists of things i need to do and plan out strategies to reach my goals. but this journey issn't about me it's about what He wants for me. i picture Him crumple my plans like a piece of paper. 3.35am I had a word from the Lord from some random lady sitting behind me at bU conference last saturday. she wrote it down on a piece of paper "If you delight in me, i will give you the desires of your heart"....

okie.. it's 3.45am.. i was distracted by worship songs i've been listening to.. getting sleeeeepy too. and so ends my day on the couch, my home, my bed.

i love you Lord. love you all. goodnighty everyone...