important reminder

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

Hebrews 11:6

Making One's Calling and Election Sure

³His divine power has given us everything we need for life and Godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by his own glory and goodness. ⁴Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

⁵For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith 

goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 

⁶and to knowledge, self-control; 

and to self-control, perseverance; 

and to perseverance, Godliness; 

⁷and to Godliness, brotherly kindness; 

and to brotherly kindness, love.

⁸For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Peter 1:3-8

c.s. lewis song

C.S. Lewis Song lyrics

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming 

sick of me

i am sick of me

i am sick about how's always about how i wished things were. why do i fight so hard for what i want or am i fighting hard enough? or fighting for the wrong reasons. i don't know... but i feel exhausted.

Lord! rid me of myself!

i don't want to do life without you yet i find it so hard to fully trust. why do i fight YOU? like a never ending journey. i don't want to keep missing the mark. i am so sick of me. i am sick of doing things my way. help me see the bigger picture of things, help me see YOU. More of YOU and less of me.. is that possible Lord? is it possible to know YOU in a deeper way, a more tangible way. show me YOU, show me how. show me where is home - give me Your sense of peace, assurance and security, not through my efforts because Lord, I GIVE UP! i'm tired. YOU are home for me Lord. the only constant i got. the ONLY ONE.  i am pleading with YOU, replace me with YOU. Give me Your courage, Your strength, Your wisdom and understanding. SHOW ME YOUR HEART. give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for my life, TO KNOW & FOLLOW HARD AFTER YOU!i've always thought to myself, how can i help others if i can't help myself, but help me realise that how can i help myself if i don't have YOU. open my eyes to see all that You're doing in me. help me stop questioning and start listening. speak louder for i am stubborn lazy and hard of hearing. take away any self pity. GET ME OUT OF THIS PIT FULL OF MYSELF! HELP ME LORD! break these chains that hold me down!!!! i believe in YOU Lord! i Love YOU Lord. YOU are the one i want. You're the only certain one. i'm sorry for making it all about me. i am truly sorry. i want to love you in a deeper way, give me Your agape love, show me Your agape love, a love that is unconditional. help me realise it's by Your grace that YOU love me. give me a greater understanding of Your Grace. open my heart to receive Your perfect love. let my confidence be in YOU! a greater passion for Your Word Lord. a greater passion for Your work. use me. the things i hold dear, if i have to let go, Lord, YOU help me. please help me. the good or the bad. make it easy, give me the strength and the courage to move on...once again.  but to always keep focus, to always look to YOU and know Your plans are not to harm but to give me a HOPE & A FUTURE. YOU are my Hope & my Future. grant me a bigger heart and passion for others. enlarge my capacity of patience, understanding and of love. replace me with YOU.  help me to accept myself but let me always be hidden behind Your CROSS! i am afraid Lord. i'm scared. i'm afraid to let go of the things i know. i'm afraid of the future. i try and try and try. i can't. i need YOU Lord! i'm sorry for doing it on my own. i'm sorry for making it about me. help me see that it's not about me. i'm sick of me and trying to find my place when it should really be all about YOU. i can't do this on my own Lord. i can't make the change on my own Lord. i need YOU. i need YOU to do the change. i need YOU to renew me. to mould me. change my heart, my perceptions my motivations, intentions and my wills. Jesus take all of me. please? i don't want to go through another phase of testing. i want to do this right once. i don't want to miss the mark. show me the target. reveal to me Your heart. I LOVE YOU LORD. let tomorrow be a new day for me? Help me make it a new day. rid me of myself, my old ways and habits. so help me God. 

this is my desire.

this is me Lord, for YOU.

i wish

i wish i had a more normal life....

step 1 : you grow up

step 2 : you study hard 

step 3 : you get a job, you start your career

step 4 : you settle down 

step 5 : start family 

step 6 : work toward building that family

step 7 : blah blah blah...

right now i'm in the phase of wanting to get a job & being financially independent again. is that so much to ask? i think my parents are the only parents in the world that never encouraged me to work. especially when things are super tight financially, they don't like me working yet they're unable to provide. it leaves me feeling like i'm drowning! there are so much i wish i could do before leaving but i feel so held back. i hate how whether we like it or not, money rules our lives. i hate how we let money and material define us... ok, i won't get started on the  money talk here.. 

back to my point... i wish.. i wish i didn't have to start from scratch, i wish i could get on with the regular route. i should be at steps 3 & 4 right now but NOOOOO... i've climbed back down to step 1. i now need to grow into a new environment & adapt into a new culture & lifestyle, step 2, study my new surroundings and and re-strategize before i get back up to steps 3 - GET A JOB the proceed to finally settling down and whatnots..

i wish i didn't have to go up and down so many times. people go through it once whereas i get stuck doing 1,2,3 over and over again. i'm going no where and it's tiring climbing up and down those rungs repeatedly. just when i think i'm going upward and progressing, and my hopes go up... i wish.. then as circumstance should have it, as though someone clinging on to my ankles, i've been tugged downwards, forced to let go of 1 or 2 rungs, try to regain and move on..then let go, move on.. or at other times i'm pushed upward too quickly i have to skip a step.. feeling inadequacy of growth, all of a sudden i have forgo studies and get a job because it was the most sensible thing to do, yaa daa yaa daa yaa daa...

gosh, why are my blog entries always so depressing and of senseless banter! i wish i had more motivation to blog on happier days! i have many by the way ;p which probably explains my lack of  blog entires! ;) anyways up and down i go, wishing life were a little more normal...

a documentry of thoughts

it's 2-something in the night.. .
i can't begin to tell you how bored and useless i feel at this point in time.
i hate this feeling.

i sit here. 2.37am. a couch for a home. i'm not sure what to feel anymore.
yes, i'm a confused child.

this i do know. i'm staying positive. despite the sadness of having to leave, weariness of change and fear of uncertainties, theres something inside of me. an excitement and that quiet reassurance from the Holy Spirit telling me it's going to be good, it's going to be good it's going to be good. believing in His promises. anticipation, eagerness, a yearning to see what He has in store for me.

i sit here. 2.39am. a couch for a home.

i'm wondering to myself how afraid i am of change. because what i really feel is a desperation for something new. i love adelaide, from the bottom of my heart i really do. but i feel theres something more, something bigger. suddenly i feel i need to get out of here. Lord, please show me. 2.45am something more, something bigger! this odd excitement mixed with sadness and fear..

i'm overwhelmed. i can i do absolutely nothing physically but this stirring within me...it feels like...it feels...i don't know.. this yearning, desperation, crying out, Lord show me, i want it now! an overwhelming love and thankfulness for my creator. it's now 2.54am

i'm still here.. a couch for a home. sitting, wondering.. documenting my thoughts on this blog entry.. what happens after i leave this blue couch i call home?


2.57am pondering. Lord, i know the plans you have for me, plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give me a hope and a future. i love you Lord! i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you....


reflecting on the past. only but a single flash in my mind to be reminded of the countless incidences of God's hand over my life. so grateful. i'm so grateful for everything, Lord! everything within me gasps in gratitude, an indignation over circumstances, and a stirring of faith, with a belief for the impossible! i serve a God of victory! a God who saves, who provides who cares and who loves me even at 3.19am in the night!

this is not a fancy post but this is what i've been up to, on a couch, for a home.
i want so may things for my life right now, i want to work in a place i love, i want to settle and not have to start from scratch in a foreign land, i don't want to have to be on my toes all the time. but this is my journey. a journey of faith learning to let Him lead, to trust, and for me, to be dependent on Him. i love to plan. i write lists of things i need to do and plan out strategies to reach my goals. but this journey issn't about me it's about what He wants for me. i picture Him crumple my plans like a piece of paper. 3.35am I had a word from the Lord from some random lady sitting behind me at bU conference last saturday. she wrote it down on a piece of paper "If you delight in me, i will give you the desires of your heart"....

okie.. it's 3.45am.. i was distracted by worship songs i've been listening to.. getting sleeeeepy too. and so ends my day on the couch, my home, my bed.

i love you Lord. love you all. goodnighty everyone...

IRIS

an old song i really like came to mind...

Verse 1
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

Verse 2
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

Verse 3
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

Chorus
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Chorus
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

awwww..

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY!

emma kate macbeth turns 2! issn't she cute

my little niece in perth

Emma's Huge pink cake! YUM!
my other niece wearing the hairband
Natalie Jasmine:)



this is my baby nephew James William Macbeth, Emma's bro

James looking so adorable, i wanna BITE his CHEEKS!
YUMMMM!

Oh My Gosh! so cute lah! they have a mini fish Piñata!!!
Look at the tiny people wacking them!!


children rock! i wanna have 4 :)
it's fun to have sibilings, just like my blessed family

*BIGsqueeze for baby EMMA & JAMES!*
♥Love you Both,from your aunty fiona♥

Hansiong & Lijun

my classmates from
Temasek School of Design
Dip. Interior Architecture & Design

you proposed
&
She said YES!!!


i'm really really
super duper happy
for the both of you!

fi's flea + free

please support!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=20060916900&ref=nf

cheers!

my friend, dear adelaide

sigh...

i started tired.
but you saw the potential in me.
looking back.
you made me so mad but you seemed to care,
always just seem to be there.

why do you have to make me feel so sad?
i'd be sad when i leave.
i'll miss you when i'm gone.

but i'll be back
i can make things happen if i wanted them to.
i can make things happen if i have reason to.
but is this what i will make me happy?
i love everything that is... for the now
holding on

the choices we make...
the facts we face
i wish i could change circumstances,
but dear God, please help me with my next very uncertain step.

i'm documenting this down on blog because i want to look back, i want to remember


♥always
. f i